Apr

The search is on!

Fri Apr 13th 2012 @ 1:40 am

Okay, off we went…in search of a church. Where to start? Since none of the people in my circle of acquaintances was a “church” type; no recommendations were forthcoming. In the real estate business they (whoever “they” are) say that there are only three important things to remember when choosing a spot: Location, location, location. So the following Sunday morning, I put on my best suit and drove two blocks to a protestant church near my home. I won’t reveal names of churches or denominations…my experiences may not be typical.

I parked, went in the building, and immediately became aware of the hushed atmosphere. My first thought was that I had stumbled into a funeral. In the lobby area were small clusters of people murmuring quietly to one another. Occasionally someone would glance up at me…then rejoin their conversation. No one spoke to me. Not sure what to do next, I followed a couple through some large swinging doors into what I later discovered was the sanctuary. I sat gingerly on a pew, hoping that I wasn’t taking someone’s seat. As I looked around, I saw that the place was only about half full.

Then the sermon began. And never ended. Or at least that’s how it seemed as the preacher droned on and on. I’m sure he was a fine man: I just couldn’t stay tuned in…and I was really trying. When I finally escaped, and that’s how it felt, I wasn’t inspired, uplifted or closer to God. And I’m pretty sure that I didn’t get fed…just bored.

Undeterred, I continued the search ...without really knowing what I was trying to find.   For several weeks I visited churches: big churches, little churches, churches where people wore robes, churches where people wore shorts and sandals. Nothing. I still don’t think I was being fed…but then again, I wasn’t sure I’d know if I had been.
Part of the problem lay with me and my expectations. As an excited, brand new Christian, I had gone into this search expecting to find churches filled with sunbeams, rainbows, angels and saints. Instead, I just found buildings filled with average, ordinary people like me.

Another challenge for me was the fact that all my life, I’ve been a professional speaker…paid to talk on radio, TV and to live audiences, large and small. I have even been paid to teach other people how to be better speakers. As a result, I know the difference between good ones and not-so-good ones. I love to listen to the good speakers but I have a really difficult time sitting and listening to a dull, boring preacher who seems to drone on forever. I know, I know…the preacher isn’t there to entertain me. He’s preaching the Gospel. That’s what’s important. But I can’t hear much of the Gospel message if I keep nodding off.   Again, I know that’s shallow and judgmental, but I suspect I wasn’t alone in my feelings.

The late Fred Rogers of television’s Mister Rogers once attended church with friends while he was in seminary. During the sermon, he made a mental list of all the mistakes he felt the elderly preacher was making. At the top of the list? He was boring. When the service was over, he was amazed to discover tears running down his friends face. “That preacher said exactly what I needed to hear,” she said.

In other words, just because a preacher didn't reach me doesn’t mean he is ineffective in his job: it just means I wasn't yet where God wanted me.

So, the search goes on.

Epilogue

The Perfect Pastor
The ideal pastor preaches exactly 20 minutes. He condemns sin, but never hurts anyone's feelings. He works from 8 AM to midnight, and also serves as the church janitor. He makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, and donates $30 a week to the church. He is 29 years old and has 40 years of experience. He is both tall and short, thin and heavyset. He makes 15 house calls a day and is always in his office.

If your pastor does not measure up to these criteria, send this list to six other churches that are also dissatisfied with their pastor. Then, bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list. In one week you will receive 1,643 pastors. Surely one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in three months.

Thought for the Day

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. Will Rogers

Turn the radio on

Listen to God & Ed’s Excellent Adventure on the Radio. Monday through Friday at 4pm on “The Word,” 98.5/99.3 FM. Or listen on-line at KLGO.net. It’s the place for Christians of all varieties to hang out and be loved, entertained and uplifted.

Semi-interesting fact

When a whale blows, it is not spouting water from its nostrils. Before a whale ‘dives, it takes in enough air to fill its lungs. When the whale surfaces again it will expel the used air. This expired air has been warmed by the whale’s body. The moisture in the exhaled air then condenses into water.

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Joke Du Jour
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses."
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses".
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses".
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".
George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert".

Questions I ask myself

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Really?? Actual News

Pretty in pink? A Delaware school district has dropped its ban on a 6th-grade honor student coming to school with pink hair, The News Journal reports.

The Christina School District had barred Brianna Moore from classes at Shue-Medill Middle School near Newark last week because, officials said, her hair violated the school's rules against unnatural and "excessive" colors. School policy, according to its website, allows only "natural color, brown, blond, black, natural red/auburn." The change of heart was noted in an e-mail from the attorney for the school district to the ACLU of Delaware, which had taken up the case. "We're on our way back to school now," said her father, Kevin Moore. "That was our whole point." Moore said he had allowed his daughter to dye her hair pink as an incentive for improving her grades, which she did.

A controversial sign was placed outside Rose City Park United Methodist Church in Portland, Ore., reading "God Prefers Kind Atheists Over Hateful Christians," and has attracted a variety of responses to the pastor's message. The Rev. Tom Tate of Rose City Park UMC decided to put up what he calls a "non-churchy" message and which he hoped would offer passersby a different view of atheist-Christian relations. The sign has garnered attention at a viral pace, thanks to a posting on the church's Facebook page, in which the photo appeared under the heading "This is how WE roll...how do you?" The Rev. Tate commented on the sign the following day, writing on Facebook, "What's all the fuss about? That God prefers kindness over hate? I would think that's a given. Isn't that the meaning of one of the most often quoted parables: the Good Samaritan? As far as Jesus' crowd was concerned Samaritans were atheists. What was Jesus meaning? Did the Samaritan convert to the 'right beliefs?' Not according to the story. As a matter of fact, it was the teachers of law, those with 'right beliefs' who didn't get it; who 'passed by.'" There were many posts from Christians supporting the message, but also others who felt it was misguided. According to the pastor, the message is part of the church's "radical hospitality" initiative, which seeks to reach out to those who feel pushed away from organized religion.

An old swinger An 86-year-old gymnast wowed crowds at a World Cup tournament in Germany. A video of her performance has gone viral on YouTube.

Some two million people, so far, have watched the clip of senior citizen Johanna Quaas's performance in Cottbus, Brandenburg. Encouraged by cheering crowds, she ran through a series of cartwheels, head-spins and rotations during her show-stopping routine.She was also filmed balancing upside down on the parallel bars and holding up her own body weight mid-air with apparent ease. Ms Quaas has already won 11 gymnastic medals at the German senior citizen championships but says she practises the sport "just for fun".

A Virgin Islands woman is accused of driving with her newborn baby zipped up in her purse. The woman, who was not identified, was pulled over driving a pickup during a routine traffic stop.

While asking for the St. Croix woman's license, the officer reported hearing a baby crying but did not see a baby seat in the vehicle. The woman then unzipped a purse sitting on the seat next to her and revealed a tiny newborn. Police said the woman told them that the baby girl was born at home a week ago and had no prenatal care. She was apparently driving the infant to a doctor. Authorities rushed the newborn to a hospital. The mother may face criminal charges. "I thought I saw everything in my years of police work, but this is unbelievable," Deputy Police Chief Christopher Howell told the St. Croix Source.

Cool Music

We’ve added more cool songs you’ve never heard on radio. Check the player on the upper right, click and brighten your day.

Are you kidding me???

The Bible devotes some 500 verses on prayer, less than 500 verses on faith, but over 2000 verses on money and possessions.

Groaner

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Point to Ponder

A church member, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor went to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.

The man welcomed him, led him to a chair near the fireplace and waited. The pastor made himself at home but said nothing. In the silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs.

After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth…all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. His host, too, was silent. As the one lone ember’s flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead. Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The Pastor glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave, he slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, “Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday.”

~author unknown~

Remember, Christianity is more about walking than about talking