May

The Emperors’ New Verse

Fri May 11th 2012 @ 1:30 am

Once upon a time, the story goes, a vain Emperor was so exceedingly fond of new clothes that he spent all his money and time on being well dressed. He cared about nothing but his appearance and attire He hired two tailors, who were really swindlers, that promised him the finest, best suit of clothes ever made from a fabric invisible to anyone who was unfit or "just hopelessly stupid." The Emperor couldn’t see the cloth himself, but pretended that he could for fear that he might appear unfit for his position or hopelessly stupid; his ministers did the same. When the swindlers reported that the suit was finished, they mimed dressing him and the Emperor then marched in procession before his subjects, who played along with the pretense. Suddenly, a child in the crowd, too young to be politically correct, blurted out that the Emperor was wearing nothing at all and the cry was taken up by others. The Emperor cringed, suspecting the assertion was true, but held himself up proudly and continued the procession.

The moral of the story: Just because someone tells you something doesn’t mean it’s true.

People started in on me the moment it became clear that I was going to try to be obedient to what I believed the Lord had told me to do…which was to wait on Him. It seemed as though everyone…family, friends and especially my then wife…started to sell me the “Emperors’ Verse.” The invisible verse: "God helps those who help themselves!"

The trouble was, I didn’t know enough to know that the Emperors’ Verse didn’t exist. I became really confused: had God really told me to wait or was that my imagination? After all, the Emperor's scripture was telling me not to wait but to “help myself.” I began to search the Bible, looking for that verse (we didn’t have Google then) and of course, couldn’t find it. One of those well meaning friends even told me it was in Hezekiah 6:1. I couldn’t find that either. It appeared that the Emperor not only had a verse…he had an entire book!

Finally, a friend set me straight: The Bible doesn’t say:"God helps those who help themselves" it’s actually a quote from Benjamin Franklin. And while the book of “Hezekiah” sounds plausible enough; it is not a real book of scripture. I later found out that there are quite a few of these “Emperors’ Verses” floating around. Even among Christians. "This, too, shall pass," "God works in mysterious ways" and "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" are not in the Bible; the "cleanliness" phrase is actually attributed to John Wesley, the 18th-century evangelist and the “mysterious ways" saying comes from a 19th-century hymn.

Once I learned the truth; that I had been buying and using invisible verses for spiritual guidance, a couple of feelings swept over me:

• Great peace and joy because I now KNEW that God had spoken to me and that He had a plan for me! I wasn’t nuts!
• Aggravation for wasting time trying to follow an invisible verse and for listening to other people instead God.

Of course, I’m not the only one who ever fell into that trap: NFL legend Mike Ditka, an outspoken Christian, was giving a news conference one day after being fired as the coach of the Chicago Bears when he decided to quote the Bible. “Scripture tells you that all things shall pass,” a choked-up Ditka said. “This, too, shall pass.” The phrase “This, too, shall pass” doesn’t appear in the Bible either.

Welcome to the “Invisible Kingdom,” Mike.

Epilogue

The purposes of God often develop slowly because His grand designs are never hurried. The great New England preacher Phillips Brooks was noted for his poise and quiet manner. At times, however, even he suffered moments of frustration and irritability. One day a friend saw him feverishly pacing the floor like a caged lion. "What's the trouble, Mr. Brooks?" he asked.
"The trouble is that I'm in a hurry, but God isn't!"

Thought for the Day

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in.—George Washington Carver

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Listen to God & Ed’s Excellent Adventure on the Radio. Monday through Friday at 4pm on “The Word,” 98.5/99.3 FM. Or listen on-line at KLGO.net. It’s the place for Christians of all varieties to hang out and be loved, entertained and uplifted.

Semi-interesting fact

Serving lemon and fish is a six hundred-year-old custom that has nothing to do with flavor. Rather, it was thought that if someone swallowed a bone, a mouthful of lemon juice would help to dissolve it. Ironically, there was some validity to the cure, though not for the reason people thought: sucking on a lemon caused the diner's throat muscles to contract, thus helping to free the bone

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Joke Du Jour

A woman on the phone to her friend - I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Questions I ask myself

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Really?? Actual News

Nelson The Ugly Parrot Native to New Zealand,

Kea are a breed of parrot that are known for their intelligence, curiosity, large size, and olive-green color. Once hunted because of their negative effect on livestock and now vulnerable for extinction, the Kea is the

subject of various conservation efforts, including zoos taking care of abandoned chicks like Nelson. Born at the Bergzoo in Germany, Nelson was quickly abandoned by his parents and left to die. However, officials at the zoo have taken it upon themselves to raise the young parrot who they describe as “a cross between an alien and a roast chicken”. Nelson is very strange looking at this stage in his life, and even seems to find his mirror image a bit weird, but he will hopefully someday find himself looking in the mirror at a handsome bird. For now though, Nelson will have to keep on being ugly…adorably ugly.

Are you serious? A man has

legally changed his name to Tyrannosaurus Rex. Tyler Gold, 23, says he did it because the dinosaur name is "cooler" than his own name. The Nebraska businessman walked into a court room as Tyler Gold and left as Tyrannosaurus Rex. His full new legal name will now be Tyrannosaurus Rex Joseph Gold. He said that "as an entrepreneur, name recognition is important and the new name is more recognizable." Judge Alan Gless asked Gold at the hearing whether he wanted a new name so he could hide from creditors or law enforcement. Mr Gold said no such factors affected his decision.

'Tanorexic' doll A Connecticut

company has created an action figure based on Patricia Krentcil, the woman accused of allowing her 6-year-old to join her in a tanning bed. Herobuilders.com, based in Oxford, released the Tanorexic Doll this week based on Krentcil, 44, who became infamous for her deep tan after appearing in court on a child endangerment charge for allegedly allowing her 6-year-old daughter to tan with her. "We just typically look at media hits on stories that captivate the nation," said Emil Vicale, president of Herobuilders. "I hate to say it, but this is one of those." Richard Krentcil, the woman's husband, said his wife did not give permission for her likeness to be used and she has not received any cash from sales of the $29.95 doll. "I'm going to see what my lawyer says," Krentcil said. "I'm sure it will be rectified shortly." However, legal experts said Herobuilders is likely protected under parody laws and has not used Krentcil's name on the doll's packaging or its Web site.

This will keep you in stitches. A group of 15 inmates at an Ohio maximum security prison have joined a "Real Men Crochet" program to make mittens, hats and other items for charity.

Jan Vurginac, who coordinates the program for prisoners at Lebanon Correctional Institution in Warren County, said the club started in 2008 and has since gained popularity among inmates eligible for extra privileges. "Time goes by quick and they enjoy doing it for the children. It keeps them busy. Idle time is a big problem," Vurginac said. The items made by the men are donated to groups including women's and homeless shelters, maternity programs, and the Veteran's Administration Hospital in Dayton, Ohio. Robert Mack, who killed a Mount Airy man in a 2007 shootout, said crocheting gives him a positive way to pass his time in the prison. "It takes up a lot of my time. It gives me something to do to keep myself active knowing that we're helping people … to stay out of trouble," Mack said.

Dunkin prom nuts A group of Wisconsin high school students

said their prom ended up being even more unforgettable than expected when they fell into a lake. Miranda Sachtschale and Matt Timm, juniors at Kettle Moraine High School in Wales, said they and their friends went to Lac La Belle in Oconomowoc prior to the prom Saturday to take some group photos and they all gathered on a wooden pier. "I heard like, one crack, and then the whole thing collapsed from under us," Timm said. The group said they emerged from the lake and were able to make it to the prom after spending some time with blow dryers. "We're laughing about it now and it's hilarious, and I'm sure my kids will laugh at it," junior Tom Gensler said. "It'll be remembered a long time."

Cool Music

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Are you kidding me???

Almonds and pistachios are the only nuts mentioned in the Bible

Groaner

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

Point to Ponder

Robert Schuller tells a story about a banker who always tossed a coin in the cup of a legless beggar who sat on the street outside the bank. But, unlike most people, the banker would always insist on getting one of the pencils the man had beside him. "You are a merchant," the banker would say, "and I always expect to receive good value from merchants I do business with." One day the legless man was not on the sidewalk. Time passed and the banker forgot about him, until he walked into a public building and there in the concessions stand sat the former beggar. He was obviously the owner of his own small business now. "I have always hoped you might come by someday," the man said. "You are largely responsible for me being here. You kept telling me that I was a ’merchant’. I started thinking of myself that way, instead of a beggar receiving gifts. I started selling pencils -- lots of them. You gave me self-respect, caused me to look at myself differently." That reminds us of the scripture:

Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

Remember, Christianity is more about walking than about talking