Mar

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

Fri Mar 16th 2012 @ 3:20 am

To say that God had a massive clean-up project with me when I gave Him my life is like saying that Hurricane Katrina left a bit of a mess in New Orleans. He did a massive “makeover” on me that was breathtaking in its scope and in the speed with which it happened. When God takes on a job, He doesn’t fool around…or at least He didn’t in my case. I was like Dorothy in Kansas: I was suddenly swept up into a swirling vortex that transported me to a completely different place. Except that while Dorothy ended up with a phony behind a curtain; I now had Jesus in my heart. Which meant that my heart needed a thorough scrubbing; Jesus doesn’t coexist with trash. Or, as they say on the intercom at the grocery store: “Clean-up on aisle three!”

First to go? Booze. As I’ve told you before, binge drinking was a major problem in my life. But from the moment I looked up to Heaven and asked Jesus to take control of my life, alcohol ceased to be a problem. Just like that. No meetings, no support groups, no rehab centers…just gone. I’m not putting those things down; they have helped millions recover from alcoholism. But for me, the minute Christ came into my life… booze went away. No tapering off, no switching to wine. I simply lost all desire for alcohol. And it’s never come back.

Of course, when the drinking went away the partying went with it. Not much point sitting in a nightclub drinking fruit juice. More importantly, now that I was sober my vision was dramatically improved: I could no longer see why I had been wasting so much time and money on nothing. I couldn’t think of one good thing that came from all the parties.

Next to go was the stuff coming out of my mouth. My language was so strong it could peel the paint off walls. I embarrassed sailors. My partners once called a meeting to ask me to tone it down because my cursing was offensive to the staff. Yeah, yeah, I get the irony: from filthy talk to talking on Christian radio. What happened? Jesus came in wielding a mop and a bucket of bleach and… swoosh!   No more Mr. Potty Mouth.

One of the few things that DIDN’T go away was the smoking. I did smoking the way I did everything else: full speed ahead! I started smoking in college and was up to two-and-a-half packs plus a couple of cigars (which I inhaled) every day. I tried to quit. I tried to quit many times.   Many, many, many times. Of all the stuff I’ve tried in my life, quitting cigarettes was one of the toughest. Country music legend Tex Williams once summed it up in a hit song:

Nicotine slaves are all the same
At a pettin' party or a poker game
Everything gotta stop while they have a cigarette
Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette
Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death
Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate
That you hate to make him wait
But you just gotta have another cigarette

That pretty much describes my efforts to give ‘em up. I tried special nicotine gums and patches. Nothing. If anything, they increased my desire for a smoke. You might be asking, “So why didn’t Jesus just take away your smoking habit like he did with the other stuff.” I didn’t know. So I continued to puff away for several more years. When friends would ask why I was still smoking, my stock answer was, “If God wants me to stop, He’ll let me know.” Ha Ha Ha! And that’s how I learned it’s not smart to challenge God. Boy, did He let me know! He dropped a boulder on my head.   Emergency heart surgery. Quadruple bypass. Caused by heavy smoking. Someone once said, “Cigarette smoking will not keep you out of heaven, just get you there a little faster.” Okay, okay…I get it! I'll quit, already!

The night before the heart surgery, I smoked my last cigarette.

Puff, puff, puff.

Epilogue

According to the ancient philosopher Aristotle, “Nature abhors a vacuum.” Aristotle based his conclusion on the observation that nature requires every space to be filled with something, even if that something is colorless, odorless air.

The same principle is at work in our lives. When the Holy Spirit begins to convict us of addictions, the idea of starting a self-improvement plan immediately comes to mind. We put forth our best effort to defeat our worst habits. But every attempt to get rid of thoughts, attitudes, and desires is destined to fail because getting rid of one creates a vacuum in our souls. As soon as we empty ourselves of one vice, others move in to take its place, and we end up just as bad as or worse than when we started. Thinking about vacuums helps us to understand the importance of what Paul was saying to the Ephesians when he prayed that [they] may be filled with all the fullness of God” (3:19).

The only permanent solution to the problem of a bad habit in our lives is to replace it with the love of Jesus, which fills the vacuum. The more we are filled with His love, the less room there is for any evil thing.

Thought for the Day

In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. Thomas Jefferson

Turn the radio on

Listen to God & Ed’s Excellent Adventure on the Radio. Monday through Friday at 4pm on “The Word,” 98.5/99.3 FM. Or listen on-line at KLGO.net. It’s the place for Christians of all varieties to hang out and be loved, entertained and uplifted.

Semi-interesting fact

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

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Joke du Jour

The artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display. "I have good news and I have bad news," replied the owner. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."

Cool Music

We’ve added more cool songs you’ve never heard on radio. Check the player on the upper right, click and brighten your day.

Questions I ask myself
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Really?? Actual News

Ouch! That must have been egg-stremely painful. A chicken surprised her owners by laying a massive egg four times larger than normal.

Popples, a two-year-old Rhode Island Red, laid the supersize egg measuring 5 inches high, 8 inches round and weighing 6.6 ounces. Schoolgirl Harriet Whitaker, 8, discovered the egg when she made her daily check of the family's chicken run, in Portsmouth. She said: "I've never seen an egg that size before. I thought an ostrich had gotten into the run overnight."The youngster has even taken the egg into school to show to her friends, who were equally amazed. Her mother, Teresa, said: Poor Popples must have been eggs-hausted and in pain after laying such a massive egg."I fed the chickens some scraps from our roast dinner the day before, so perhaps the cauliflower; broccoli and sprouts gave her a boost."I was amazed when Harriet first showed me the egg. She came running into the kitchen I said 'oh my gosh - that must have been painful'. "It's the biggest chicken egg I've ever seen. I'm not sure what we will do with it yet but it will make a very large and tasty omelet."

Jurassic Tree A hiker was stunned to see this giant T-Rex towering above him in the Norfolk countryside.

The tree, which is covered in winter ivy, looks exactly like the terrifying dinosaur, complete with eyes, mouth and spiky back. The Jurassic monster can be seen in a farmer's field near Alby in North Norfolk, but like its ancestors, the dinosaur will die out when the tree flowers in a few weeks."I was walking with my wife Debbie and as we came round the corner we saw the T-Rex tree," said Spike Malin, 50. "It really stood out and looked exactly like the dinosaur. "It's amazing, the head is just the right shape and it even has a jaw and small hands, just like the king of the dinosaurs. From a distance it looks like it is striding across the fields." Mr Malin added: "In a few weeks the tree will be covered in leaves and the dinosaur will disappear."

Hunting with Yankees Jeff Foxworthy appeared at Mitt Romney's side at a campaign event in Mobile, Ala., where the blue-collar comedian threw his support behind the former Massachusetts governor.

Romney quipped that he could use Foxworthy's help. "I am looking forward to going there and hunting with you sometime. And you can actually show me which end of the rifle to point," Romney joked in Mobile. Asked whether he would take Romney up on the offer, Foxworthy had a one-liner of his own. "That sounds even more dangerous than Cheney if you ask me. We may start with a BB gun and work our way up to a rifle," Foxworthy joked just after an event where he appeared on Romney's behalf in Jackson. In the days leading up to southern primaries, Romney shared his stories of exposure to Southern culture, revealing that he now enjoys "cheesy grits" and saying "y'all." Foxworthy said he teased the GOP contender about the revelations, telling reporters the comments sound slightly inauthentic coming from a New Englander. "It kind of makes me laugh. I told him 'I gotta spend a day with you and teach you how to speak Southern a little bit,'" Foxworthy said. Then the comedian got serious. "We don't elect presidents on personality. We did that in 2008," Foxworthy said.

Giddy Up! Adidas Unveils Cowboy Boot Sneaker.

For the boot-wearing populations who still yearn to sprint from time to time, Adidas has unveiled its newest shoe creation: a cowboy boot sneaker hybrid. Adidas said the Jeremy Scott designed boots are on sale now for $300 and are made from soft leather with a debossed Trefoil on the heel and tongue, and MEGA Soft Cell cushioning. The company said the boot offers maximum traction and will "get you rodeo-ready with their hybrid cowboy-boot-meets-basketball-trainer style." There's no word on whether a matching outfit will be released.

Are you kidding me???

The shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35 “Jesus wept.” Next is: "Be joyful always (1st Thessalonians 5:16)."

Groaner

A woman called her doctor in a panic. Her son had swallowed a penny and she wanted to know if she should bring the boy in to be seen. "I don't think it's necessary," the doctor calmly replied. "Just watch him closely for any change."

Point to Ponder
Former heavyweight boxing champion George Foreman, in his book God in My Corner, tells how he quit drinking. He writes:

On my nineteenth birthday, I got so drunk that I couldn’t remember what happened that night. The next day, I ran into my friend who had been badlybeaten up. He had a swollen eye and other bruises. I asked what happened.

“Don’t you remember?” he asked. “You beat me up last night!”

That stunned me. It shook me so much that I decided to never take another drink of alcohol. And I never have since then. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t quit smoking and drinking.

Remember, Christianity is more about walking than about talking