Excuse me, your news is on fire

Excuse me; your news is on fire

I didn’t spend all of my time boozing, gambling and partying; in fact during the early years, except for the occasional cocktail at social events, I didn’t drink at all.  That would come a little later.

I started my career in radio while I was in college studying to be a lawyer; like the world needed another lawyer.  I started on the radio part-time; fell in love with broadcasting, dropped out of college (my dad wouldn’t speak to me for six months) and set off to do radio and TV and to make a lot of money.  The radio and TV part came pretty quickly; the making a lot of money part…not so much.  I recall early on, while working at a small town radio station, my wife and I had to break into my son Scott’s piggy bank to buy baby formula for him and a big sack of beans for us to eat until the next paycheck… which was over two weeks away.  After four days of beans for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I surrendered and borrowed money from my Dad (he was speaking to me again).  I won’t comment on the condition of my digestive system after four days of eating beans.  Suffice it to say that one ill placed match and the whole house would have gone up in flames.

A lot of nuttiness happens behind the scenes in broadcasting.  In most TV studios the news, weather and sports sets are all in very close proximity.  One night I was doing sports on the 10pm news block.  No sign of the weather guy.  Just as the newscast started, weather guy stumbles onto the set wearing an expensive sports coat, white shirt and a tie.  And that’s it.  He was stark naked from the waist down.  Oh yeah, he did have on shoes and socks.  He had downed a few cocktails between the 6pm and 10 pm newscasts and was half bombed.  And that’s how he delivered the weather: naked from the waist down, cameras shooting him from the waist up. The newscasters and I, sitting 10 feet away, were struggling to maintain our composure and trying desperately not to look over at him.  The audience at home never knew what was going on or why the news and sports guys were snickering.  For some odd reason, Weather Guy didn’t get fired.

I’ve been mooned while I was on the air by fellow radio personalities, I’ve had them come in the studio while I was in the middle of a radio newscast and set my news copy on fire; even had them bring in a bedpan and relieve themselves.  And I’ve done the same kind of stuff to them.  Except for the bedpan thing.  That was waaay over the top.  Or, should I say, over the pot. 
Mostly, this nonsense was just a way to release the stress that came from being afraid of saying the wrong thing on the air. We were all constantly aware that one slip of the tongue, one misquote, one microphone accidently left on, could mean getting sued or fired…or both. Career over. Doing dumb stuff was an outlet for some of us. As soon as we were sure the microphones and cameras were off, we let go. 

See, in broadcasting, as in any field, when you make career success the most important thing in your life, that big empty hole in your soul fills with things like greed, pride, ambition and, most of all: fear. Somehow, pulling stupid pranks on each other seemed to make the fear go away.  Besides, it was fun.  Little boys disguised as grown men.  Wouldn’t it be cool if today, we could make all our problems and stress go away with a well placed whoopee cushion? 
Of course there is a better solution…it just takes some of us longer than others to find it.

Epilogue

Charlemagne, it is said, gave instructions to be buried in the royal posture of a king upon his throne, with the Gospels on his knees, his sword beside him, and his crown upon his head.
When his tomb was later uncovered there he was.  The crown was still perched on his skull, and a bony finger rested on these words: “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?”

Thought for the Day
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.  P. J. O'Rourke

I’ve got a question for you-
Once Texas A&M leaves for the SEC, will Aggie jokes still be funny?  Send me your thoughts (or a good Aggie joke) in the comment feature below

A semi-interesting fact
A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.  Now that’s getting SERIOUS about recycling.

Joke Du Jour                                                                                                   
After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning."
The father commented, "The sermon was too long."
Their 7-year-old daughter added, "But you’ve got to admit it was a pretty good show for a dollar."

New Feature!!
Cool songs you’ve never heard on radio. Check the player on the upper right, click and brighten your day.

Really??  Actual News Stories:

Defense spending that can’t be trimmed?  The AP reports that the Pentagon has wasted over $720 million of taxpayer money on late fees by failing to return shipping containers on time. The 20-foot metal boxes are used to hold cargo on ships or trucks, and soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq use them for storage, shelter and building materials. But each one returned late racks up $2200 or more in late fees.  Apparently Blockbusters didn’t go out of business after all…they just switched from videos to shipping containers.

A drunken man accused of running a red light in a horse and carriage tried to pin the blame on his pony, according to police. John Mulvenna, of England's South Yorkshire, allegedly told officers that he only went through the stoplight because his steed, Fred, is colorblind,  Officials weren't swayed by the defense, and Mulvenna was fined $82.  Fred the horse wasn’t charged.

Aggies in Canada?  Police were called to a parking lot in Richmond, B.C., earlier this month where they found a man trying to load a full-sized fridge into the trunk of a four-door sedan.  "The fridge was one-third in the trunk while the remainder teetered over the edge of the car's bumper," Const. Justin Stewart said.  "The fridge was secured to the vehicle using rope and the seatbelts from the car."  Stewart said that although there is some humor in the situation, someone could have been hurt.

 

Carolina Panthers player Jeremy Shockey saved life of teammate Ben Hartsock in training camp  by performing the Heimlich maneuver on him. The team was stunned because they usually don't choke until the regular season.

The Jesus page is the most popular on Facebook. The creator of "Jesus Daily," Facebook's most popular page for the past three months, says he aims to "provide people with encouragement."  "Jesus Daily" has received more comments, shared content and "Likes" during the past three months than any other page, including teen singer Justin Bieber's page. So the hi-tech version of “What a friend we have in Jesus” is “Jesus friended me and Him I like?”

Point to Ponder
The great singer Marian Anderson was once being interviewed when the reporter asked her to name the greatest moment in her life. She had many big moments to choose from. There was the night Toscanini told her that hers was the finest voice of the century. There was the private concert she gave at the White House for the President and the Queen of England. To top it all, there was an Easter Sunday in Washington when she stood beneath the Lincoln statue and sang for a crowd of 75,000, which included Cabinet members, Supreme Court Justices, and most members of Congress. Which of those big moments did she choose? None of them.  Miss Anderson told the reporter that the greatest moment of her life was the day she went home and told her mother she wouldn't have to take in washing anymore."

Are you kidding me???
The smallest Bible ever can only be read with a microscope and was reduced by PCMI-technology which can shrink it to a scale of 1:48000. This means that an entire Bible in English, some 1,245 pages, can fit on a human hair.

Snicker                                                                                                                   
Two strands of DNA were walking down the street. One says to the other, "Do these genes make me look fat?

Remember, Christianity is more about walking than about talking