Jun

Blooper

Fri Jun 15th 2012 @ 2:30 am

Those of us who have spent much time behind a microphone or in front of a camera love to get together and swap war stories about the crazy stuff we’ve all experienced. I guess it’s the same in other fields as well; the main difference being that our war stories usually involve screw-ups we’ve made…on live radio and TV. The bloopers. Messing up is rarely fun at the time but becomes hilarious (at least to us) in retrospect. I guess the big difference between our goofs and those in other occupations is that our goofs are usually so dad-gum public. We don’t just make mistakes; we make ‘em in front of hundreds and thousands of listeners and/or viewers. It’s a very public humiliation. So why do we enjoy reliving those moments? I haven’t got a clue. We just do. Warped sense of humor, I guess.

For example, this story makes me laugh now, but at the time, not so much. I had gotten the big break and jumped from small radio stations in small towns to a job on a big station in a big city. I was only 21 years old and had jumped over a lot of guys with more experience to land a show in a major market. Needless to say, I was pretty proud of myself. If my head had gotten any bigger it probably would have exploded. Then it was time for my debut in big time radio. The show was named “The Sunset Show” (clever, huh? Don’t blame me; the GM came up with that gem) The theme song started playing, I flipped on the microphone and said loudly and proudly, “Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Suns**t Show!”

I couldn’t believe what had just come out of my mouth! My big chance and my first word in the big leagues was Suns**t? I was thunderstruck! Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the fear of blowing something else...which of course, pretty much guarantees that you will. I stuttered, stumbled and spluttered through the next three hours…and managed to say Suns**t five more times before the show mercifully ended. For some odd reason I didn’t get fired, but the “S” word became such a mental block for me that we had to change the name of the show. To this day, I have to concentrate to say “suns-e-t.”

On another occasion at a different radio station, we landed a large advertising contract from a major auto dealer: big bucks for the station. The dealer, City Chevrolet, wanted to sponsor our newscasts. Maybe you’ve already guessed what happened next: on their very first sponsored newscast I dramatically announced: “The news… brought to you by Sh---y Chevrolet!” Instead of City I said Sh---y. Yikes. What IS it about that “S” word? How did it keep tongueling my tang?

Again, not funny at the time but good for a giggle now. There’s a message in all this: wouldn’t it be wonderful if we would deal with our past sins and moral bloopers the same way? If only we would look back at them and remember that they have been forgiven and then let ‘em go. After all, God has not only forgiven them…He has forgotten them. Instead, we continue to allow the Enemy to keep reminding us how worthless we are and rubbing our faces in those old sins: loading us up with guilt and shame. With a load like that we are kept in bondage…and Satan loves that. Allowing him to keep us in bondage, denies us the freedom Christ died to give us.

So the next time the Enemy drags up some sin for which you have long since been forgiven…refuse to play along. Spit in his eye and rebuke him in Jesus’ name. Then laugh at him.

Satan loses…and that’s one Hell of a blooper.

Epilogue

A minister had sinned very badly and even though he had confessed his sin, he never felt forgiven. A lady in his church was always saying, "The Lord said to me …" It wasn't that he didn't believe her, because she was usually right, but she really irked him. One day he said, "If God is speaking to you, ask Him to tell you what it was I did years ago." A few days later, she came back to him. "Well?" he demanded. "Did you ask Him?" "Yes," she replied. "And what did He say?" asked the minister. "He said He doesn't remember."

Thought for the Day

Don't let yesterday's failure bankrupt tomorrow's efforts.

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Semi-interesting fact

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Joke Du Jour

A preacher’s wife was taking a shower one day and she heard the door bell ring and she yelled "Who is it?"

And the person ringing the door bell yelled, "I'm the blind man."

So she got out of the shower and wrapped her hair in a towel, not bothering to put a towel around herself because the person behind the door was blind.

The preacher’s wife opened the door and said, "What do you want?"

The man answered, "I'm here to check your blinds."

Questions I ask myself

Why is there always one in every crowd?

Really?? Actual News

Picking up his cross

Junior Garcia carrying a 12-foot cross along I-30 was hard to miss. “This is my way of showing them Jesus Christ wants a personal relationship with every single one of them,” Garcia said. The idea came to him last July when he was attending youth group at the Oasis Church in Saginaw. He says he realized his Christian walk wasn’t what it should be. “Oh, man. I was going through so much in my life and really searching to see what God had for me, His call on my life,” Garcia said. “I just felt that separation from Him and felt like it was just time to get rid of worldly desires and focus on Him,” he added. Garcia remembers the day it all happened for him. “July 24 2011. I remember looking up to heaven saying, ‘I’m yours,’” he said. “That day, I decided to take up my cross. And, I felt so strong in my heart. And, I felt Him tell me where to go and how to go. And, that’s where we’re going, Washington, DC” he said. Garcia will have to walk 1369 miles to get there. With breaks, he hopes to arrive in front of the White House, for prayer on July 13.

Shelling out for a divorce The world's oldest animal marriage looks set to have ended after an incredible 115 years when the two Giant Turtles at

an Austrian zoo refused to share their cage anymore. Zoo management have called in animal experts to try and give the pair counseling - feeding them romantic good mood food and trying to get them to join in joint games - but so far without effect. Zoo boss Helga Happ said: "We get the feeling they can't stand the sight of each other anymore. "Bibi and Poldi have been a pair since before anyone alive today can remember. They are both 115 years old - they have been together since they were young and grew up together, eventually becoming a pair."But for no reason that anyone can discover they seem to have fallen out, they just can't stand each other."Zoo staff realized the pair had fallen out after Bibi attacked her partner - biting off a chunk of his shell - and then carrying out several further attacks until he was moved to another enclosure. Zoo staff says that Bibi in particular wanted to have the cage to herself and be a single. Happ added: "We have staff talking to and trying to engage the two in interacting, and we hope that they might find their harmony again. We hope we can bring round reconciliation."

Dangerous Vegetables ? A new study has found that 88 percent of people injure themselves in the kitchen and over half of them do it while preparing vegetables. The study surveyed over 2,000 of its customers to find the top five most dangerous vegetables to prep. Here's what topped the list:

1. Pumpkin 2. Rutabaga 3. Butternut Squash 4. Turnip 5. Artichoke
Thirty-nine percent of people said they injured themselves because the vegetable was difficult to cut. "The kitchen is where some of the most serious home accidents occur and cuts are among the most common types of injury to happen, with tens of thousands of people visiting emergency rooms as a result each year," said Sheila Merrill, a public health adviser. "Good preparation is crucial when it comes to preventing kitchen accidents such as severe cuts, so make sure your knives are sharp and in a good condition, use a vegetable peeler where appropriate and do not rush chopping. Just-Eat Magazine Editor David Buttress said, "Our research shows that cooking at home can be a dangerous game. When it comes to food preparation, it's the usual suspects that crop up time and time again. If it's a choice between laying down the potato peeler for a night and a trip to the hospital waiting room - I know which I'd choose!"

Mama Mia! Let's Pizza, invented by

Italian Claudio Torghel and based out of the Netherlands, is setting up a headquarters in Atlanta, Ga., soon. A YouTube video shows the vending machine mixing water and flour, squirting out sauce from a tube, and baking the final product in about 2.5 minutes. The short-skirt and high-heel clad woman in the video says the machine uses "fresh ingredients" and the pizza has "total hygiene" because nobody ever has to touch it. The CEO of A1 Concepts, which owns Let's Pizza, explains the process. "The machine contains a specially developed bag of flour and a bag of mineral water. Every time you order a pizza, the machine will start making the dough, then shape it into a crust, and top it with organic tomato sauce," Ronald Rammers said. "Next, one of the toppings is placed on top and the pizza is ready for the oven." According to Rammers, Americans will soon find pizza vending machines "at malls, airports, hospitals, restaurants, hotels, supermarkets, universities, gas stations, bus stations" and more. A 10 inch pie will set you back about $5.95.

The world's longest kayak? A US company is hoping to get into the Guinness Book of Records after creating a kayak more than 400ft long.LL Bean

built the impressive 407ft 7ins long vessel - made out of 100 standard kayaks - to celebrate the firm's centenary.And, after six months of planning, 100 employees took to the kayak for its maiden voyage on a lake in Freeport, Maine.The team managed to paddle away from the jetty and make a successful tour around the stretch of water.The outdoor gear firm have now submitted their notary-certified application to the Guinness World Records for consideration.Company spokesman Scot Balentine said: "It was pretty incredible to look down the boat, you could tell people had a smile on their face."Then, when we started to paddle, it was amazing to watch the whole thing go."You could tell they really leaned into it as the boat really took off from the dock."

Random Musing

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

Cool Music

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Are you kidding me???

The Bible devotes some 500 verses on prayer, less than 500 verses on faith, but over 2000 verses on money and possessions.

Groaner

Tina, the Hollywood agent, was so upset by her inability to find work for a singer that she began to sob for her in front of her client. Her client tried her best to comfort her, "Don't cry for me, Agent Tina."

Point to Ponder

A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator at the other end said "Are they in your house?" He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house. The operator said there were no cars available at that time. He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. "I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!" Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, "I thought you said you had shot them all!" The man answered, "I thought you said there were no police available!" Stalemate.

Remember, Christianity is more about walking than about talking