Oct

A Little Bit Pregnant

Fri Oct 21st 2011 @ 2:25 am

In one of my earlier blogs, “The Pig That Walked Away,” I talked about my drinking. Boy, could I put away the booze! I used to take great pride in being able to drink everyone else under the table and still function. After an evening of hard drinking, I was usually the guy who drove the other guys home because they were too drunk. I thought my ability to “hold my liquor” was macho, a sign that I was a real stud. Yeah…right. A chimpanzee would have been smart enough to realize that the amount of whiskey I could consume without getting sloppy drunk wasn’t macho…it was a sign there was something wrong. No normal human being should be able to consume that much alcohol and still stand up upright. Years later, a substance abuse expert explained that I was probably a binge drinker who metabolized alcohol; which was why I could hold so much and also why I rarely had hangovers. He’s probably right, but at the time I just thought I was totally cool; a real man’s man.

Then I awoke one morning with a hangover and no idea what had happened the night before. All I knew was that I had crossed some kind of line: my life was now officially spinning out of control. Something had to change. But change what?

I couldn’t turn to faith: I didn’t have any. It simply was not a part of my world. I knew a little bit about Jesus: I played Joseph in a grade school Christmas pageant, so I knew about the manger thing. I also knew that I didn’t much like the Christians I had met. As Gandhi once said: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” I had never met real Christians; men and women of faith who are kind and caring. I had only met the finger-pointing, judgmental kind and I sure didn’t want any part of that.

So if turning to God wasn’t an answer for me, then what was? Easing off on the booze…I just needed to cut back a little and exercise some will power. Right? The problem with that approach is that drinking isn’t the problem; it’s a symptom. And treating symptoms instead of an addiction doesn’t work for the long haul. Any binge drinker who thinks that he can keep on binge drinking but do it in moderation is nuts. It’s like being a little bit pregnant: it’s not possible. If you’re pregnant you’re pregnant. But I took a shot anyway and it did work…for a short period of time: I became what’s known as a “dry drunk.” I wasn’t recovered or recovering; I was just a drunk who wasn’t drinking…at the moment.

I had now passed being a little bit pregnant and had come to a hard choice: abort the load I was carrying or go for delivery. I had tried to abort the boozing; using my own will power to get rid of it. Didn’t work. That meant I needed to be delivered…but how? By whom? I think you see where this is headed.   I was going to be forced to re-think my views about the whole Jesus thing. I heard that he was in the delivery business.

Next week: The Sequel…A Little Bit Pregnant, Part Two.

Epilogue

We drink for happiness and become unhappy. We drink for joy and become miserable. We drink for sociability and became argumentative. We drink for friendship and make enemies. We drink for sleep and awaken without rest. We drink for strength and feel weak. We drink for relaxation and get the shakes. We drink for bravery and become afraid. We drink for confidence and become doubtful. We drink to make conversation easier and slur our speech. We drink to forget and never do. We drink for freedom and become slaves to the drink. We drink to erase problems and see them multiply. We drink to cope with life and invite death. We drink to feel heavenly and end up feeling like hell.   Anonymous

Thought for the Day

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. Ann Landers.

Turn the radio on

Listen to God & Ed’s Excellent Adventure on the Radio. Monday through Friday at 4pm on “The Word,” 98.5/99.3 FM. Or listen on-line at KLGO.net. It’s the place for Christians of all varieties to hang out and be loved, entertained and uplifted.

A semi-interesting fact

The average eye blinks every five seconds. This may not sound like much but that figures out to 17,000 times each day. Over the period of a year the eye will blink an average of 6 1/4 Million times. No wonder I’m so tired.

Joke Du Jour

The sermon had been going on endlessly.   Finally the minister said, "What more can I say?"
A parishioner yelled, "How about `Amen'!"

Cool Music
Cool songs you’ve never heard on radio. Check the player on the upper right, click and brighten your day.

Questions I ask myself

How come we press harder on a remote-control when we know the battery is dead?

Really?? Actual News Stories

I can’t stand it! The Tonopah Solar Company in Harry Reid's Nevada is getting a mere $737 million loan from Obama's Dept of Energy. The project will produce a 110 megawatt power system and employ 45 permanent workers. That's costing us just $16 million per job! What a deal! Oh, and one of the major investment partners in this endeavor is Pacific Corporate Group, where Ron Pelosi, the brother-in-law to Nancy Pelosi is a Trustee of PCG. Hmm. Anyone smell a rat?

A corny story

A family in Danvers, Massachusetts, paid $45 to walk through a cornfield maze only to find it was like a maze in there. The couple and their young child got lost in the maze and had to call 911 for rescue, "We thought this would be fun. Instead, it's a nightmare," the caller told the 911 dispatcher. Cops tracked down the stranded trio using police dogs and by having the father shout out "Hello, K-9" until the pups found them. The family was escorted home.

Wigging Out A former make-up artist is carving out an unusual new career - as a wig maker for dogs. Ruth Regina, of Miami, Florida, is marketing her range of canine hairpieces on her website, Wiggles Dog Wigs. The company's biggest bestsellers are celebrity dog wigs with Lady Ga Ga the biggest hit with owners.

They also sell Bob Marley and Sarah Palin hairpieces. "I never expected it to be so popular but you can never underestimate how much people love dressing up their dogs," she said. Although the dog wigs don't come cheap, and can cost more than $60 an item, the site's popularity is growing. Ms Regina said: "I come from eight generations of wig makers and there was really no other job I wanted to do.”I've been making dog wigs for friends for about 20 years but I never charged for them. "Then more and more requests came in and eventually I decided to set up a separate business online. The website isn't very old but we get tons of requests from all over the world."

Giddy Up! An elderly Russian woman was arrested - after she stole her neighbor's stallion on her 80th birthday to tick off one her dreams on her bucket list. Agrafena Vasilyevna was quizzed by police for rustling after she crept into neighbor Igor Vasilev's stable, saddled up his horse Lyme and galloped away. When she returned an hour later, she found her neighbor and a police car waiting for her. Mrs. Vasilyevna told stunned officers that she had always wanted to ride a horse but had never had the chance. "They yelled at me but it was worth it. I've fulfilled a dream I've had since childhood and I was running out of time," she said. "I've got a few more things on my list so people should stand by to be shocked."

Point to Ponder

Matthew, Mark, Luke, & Ringo?

Recently comedian Jay Leno asked his television audience to name one of the Ten Commandments. One person ventured: "God helps those who help themselves." Leno asked if anyone could name the four Gospels. No one could; but responding to another question, almost everyone in the audience could name the four Beatles.

As biblical instruction wanes, large numbers of young people are biblically illiterate. Our society is developing a profound ignorance of Jesus. Many don't understand the term "Good Friday" or the meaning of our basic Christian vocabulary--grace, sin, redemption, and salvation.

The number of people who read the Bible "occasionally" has declined from 79 percent in the 1980s to 59 percent. Only 16 percent of Christians say they read the Bible daily.1

We need to teach it to our children. We can’t depend on others to do it. Offer to work in the children's ministry. Reversing the tide of biblical illiteracy is going to take all of us doing our part.

Many Christians expect the world to respect the book they neglect.

Are you kidding me???

The Bible was written during a period of 1,600 years. That's about forty generations.

Groaner
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path.

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