Oct

A Little Bit Pregnant Part Deux

Fri Oct 28th 2011 @ 2:25 am

In our last post, I discussed my futile efforts to get control of the alcohol I was putting away without actually stopping the drinking; in other words trying to be a little bit pregnant. I had plenty of good excuses:

     • I owned a large and very profitable Ad Agency and the only way to get and keep major accounts was to wine, dine and party with important clients. Or so I told myself.
     • I was a high rolling gambler who was constantly in and out of casinos, bars and clubs that ply you with free booze and where everyone…and I mean everyone…drank like fish.
     • I hung out with a lot of gangster types and you just don’t walk into a roomful of mobsters and order a glass of pink lemonade. Not unless you’re a lot tougher than I was.
     • I just flat enjoyed the party life style: until the blackouts and terrible hangovers started. That was no fun at all. That was just scary.

I guess at this point God was tired of fooling around with me; waiting for me to come to my senses and realize that trying to be a little bit pregnant is not only stupid: It’s not doable. He decided to make a move. First, He put in my head the recognition that my efforts to cut back weren’t working and that I needed someone or something to help deliver me from my bondage to booze. Then came a more direct intervention.

As I’ve mentioned, I owned a large ad agency. One of my clients was a local radio station. The station replaced its General Manager, the guy whose job description includes picking ad agencies.   Clearly, it was important for me to meet and sell this new guy on retaining MY ad agency. I called and set up a lunch. To prepare for meeting him, I started making some phone calls to check him out. His name was Ken. The first thing I discovered was good news: he was a top flight radio professional with a terrific reputation. He had been extremely successful managing some of the best radio stations in the country.

The next thing I learned about Ken was not so good: he was a member of some weird cult. I’m not kidding. Several sources that I trusted had the same report: he was a member of a religious cult. I think to myself, “Terrific…not only do I need to sell this kook on my agency, he’s probably going try to turn me into a Moonie or a Hare Krishna.” As I continued my search for background information, one source finally identified the cult. Ken was something called a “Charismatic.” I had no idea what that was, but hey, money is money…so I pressed on. I wanted that new contract.

The appointed day of the meeting arrived. I was meticulous in my preparation that morning. I “dressed to the nines” and made sure my shoes shined and my jewelry sparkled. I drove to the meeting in my Cadillac convertible…also sparkling clean. I met Ken at the restaurant which was in the same office building that housed the radio station. He looked normal enough; no goofy haircut, no long scraggly beard, and he was wearing a suit not a robe. He had a nice smile and seemed like a pleasant enough fellow.

After being seated at our table and exchanging a few pleasantries, Ken looked me straight in the eyes and asked, “Why are you so unhappy?” I was thunderstruck! All I could think was, “How the Hell did he know?” God was making His move.

Epilogue

Due to his notorious public appearances while under the influence, actor Oliver Reed became forever synonymous with alcohol. It was alleged that during the stag weekend prior to his second marriage, Reed downed an amazing 104 pints of beer. Reed – who once said, “I like the effect drink has on me. What’s the point of staying sober?” – finally realized, upon his arrival at Galway airport, Ireland, while lying drunk on the baggage conveyor, that he was slowly killing himself with his constant alcohol binges. He tried to sober up but failed. All the drinking finally got him.   Reed passed away prematurely, while filming in Malta.

Thought for the Day

The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.

Turn the radio on

Listen to God & Ed’s Excellent Adventure on the Radio. Monday through Friday at 4pm on “The Word,” 98.5/99.3 FM. Or listen on-line at KLGO.net. It’s the place for Christians of all varieties to hang out and be loved, entertained and uplifted.

A semi-interesting fact

What about goose-bumps? The puckering of the skin that forms the 'goose bumps' is the result of the contraction of muscle fibers in the skin.

Joke Du Jour

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for.
"In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
"Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years...say, a red Corvette?"
"Wow! Are you kidding?"
"Yeah, but you started it."

Cool Music
Cool songs you’ve never heard on radio. Check the player on the upper right, click and brighten your day.

Questions I ask myself:

Why do they have interstate highways in Hawaii?

Really?? Actual News Stories

A prison chaplain in Wisconsin has been charged with assaulting an inmate during what authorities say was a faked hostage situation at a prison. They say that the incident was staged in order to try to get the inmate out of prison. That's not the most ridiculous part of the story, however. The most ridiculous part of the story is that the chaplain in question is a Wiccan, the first Wiccan chaplain in the Wisconsin prison system. Oh wait, that's not the most ridiculous part. The most ridiculous part is that her name is W-i-t-c-h. Jamyi Witch. That’s really her name. But it does raise the question of exactly why the prison system has to have a Wiccan chaplain. Can you really take a religion seriously when they have chaplains named Witch?

Fit to Fat A personal trainer has spent six months pigging out and eating junk food - to help him better understand fat clients.

Drew Manning says he was fed up of hearing people tell him he didn’t know what it was like to be fat and suffer cravings. So the ripped 30-year-old decided to embark on a year-long experiment in which he aims to go from fit to fat and back again. So far, he’s gained seventy pounds through an arduous regime of no exercise and eating a diet of chips, soda and pizza. Describing his weight gain plan, he said it was: “No exercise and eating the typical American diet: Chips, juice, cereal, soda, pizza etc. “It was fun at first to eat whatever I wanted, but the ramifications and how my body feels is definitely not fun.” As for how he will get his body back, Manning explains: “It’s diet then exercise. I’m just going to change my diet for the first month and then start exercise.” “I’m a little afraid that it’ll take longer than I hoped just because I gained more weight than I planned but I know with my determination and everyone’s support it’ll happen.” PIX

Moustache champion has best 'freestyle'

Jonathan Rice

took what some might call too much of a good beard and made it a national symbol of excess. Rice, 29, was one of five winners of the second annual Beard Team USA National Beard and Moustache Championships in Lancaster, Pa. "There are no dues, requirements, or drug tests; just a lot of facial hair and beer," the group says. There were 230 men in the field. Rice won for "freestyle." "To me, it's very prestigious," he said. "It's taking that fantastic beard and transforming it into something eye-catching and creative."

Point to Ponder

Most people naturally assume that the Books of the New Testament were written in the order that they appear in the Bible. Now you may be surprised to learn that many of the Letters of the Apostle Paul were actually written before the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John. For those Gospels were some of the last books to be written, even though they appear as the first four Books of The New Testament.
This is because, it is believed, the Apostles of Jesus Christ were so convinced that He would return during their lifetime, that they didn't feel the need to write them. It wasn't until they became much older that they realized that His return would probably not occur until after their deaths. It was then that they wrote them for the generations of the future. Here are the actual years that each Book of the New Testament was supposedly written:

Book:                   Written By:                 Approximate Date:

GALATIANS         [Apostle Paul]                           49 A.D.
JAMES     [James half-brother of Jesus']                49 A.D.
1 & 2 THESSALONIANS   [Apostle Paul]                 51/52 A.D.
1 & 2 CORINTHIANS     [Apostle Paul}                   55 A.D.
ROMANS                     [Apostle Paul}                    57 A.D.
MARK                   [John Mark}                             58/60 A.D.
EPHESIANS        [Apostle Paul]                             60 A.D.
COLOSSIANS      [Apostle Paul]                             60 A.D.
PHILEMON          [Apostle Paul]                             60 A.D.
PHILIPPIANS       [Apostle Paul]                            61 A.D.
MATTHEW         [Apostle Matthew*]                      61/64 A.D.
LUKE                 [Apostle Luke]                            61/64 A.D.
JUDE     [Jude half-brother of Jesus']                     65 A.D.
1 TIMOTHY         [Apostle Paul]                             64 A.D.
1 PETER            [Apostle Peter*]                          64/65 A.D.
TITUS                 [Apostle Paul]                           64 A.D.
ACTS                 [Apostle Luke]                           66/68 A.D.
2 PETER            [Apostle Peter*]                         66/68 A.D.
2 TIMOTHY         [Apostle Paul]                           66/67 A.D.
HEBREWS         [Apostle Paul]                             68/70 A.D.
JOHN                [Apostle John*]                          85 A.D.
1, 2, 3 JOHN      [Apostle John*]                         85/90 A.D.
REVELATION     [Apostle John*]                          95 A.D.
            ( *Original Disciples of Christ )

Are you kidding me???

A raven was the first animal out of the ark

Groaner

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop-clop-clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting

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